


What I Had To Do

by larislynn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hunters & Hunting, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confession, Mentions of Death, Pining, Protective Cas, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:34:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28021002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larislynn/pseuds/larislynn
Summary: After you get injured on a hunt Cas tries to heal you. Things don't go exactly how you hoped.Request: "hi! can you write a cas x reader with 21 and 50 from the dialogue prompt list?"Prompts: “No, stay, please?" and "“How can I even begin to say how much I love you?"
Relationships: Castiel (Supernatural)/You
Kudos: 38





	What I Had To Do

The silence in the Impala was deafening. You had been out on a hunt, and while you managed to take out the nest of vamps, you still couldn’t save the young woman who had been taken by them. It was to be expected, of course. One of the most important things to remember as a hunter is that you can’t always save everybody. God, as if you hadn’t learned that lesson a hundred times over. But still, each death stung, and you couldn’t help but view it as a personal failure— as if each death was your own fault.

Dean cleared his throat from behind the wheel. “We need to go grocery shopping,” he said matter-of-factly. “There isn’t much food left at the bunker.”

“Do you mind dropping me off first,” you asked quietly, still trying to push what happened to the back of your mind. It was difficult, considering every time you looked down all you could see was the dried blood on your hands. “I need to wash up.” 

Sam and Dean had gotten lucky this time, managing to not get covered in blood like usual. You, on the other hand, were stuck being covered practically head to toe in dried blood, quite a bit of it your own. 

Nodding, Sam answered. “Of course. Besides, you can’t go into a store looking like that. We don’t need the FBI after coming after us again. Cas can help heal you once you get back, you took some pretty hard hits.” 

You simply shook your head yes and stayed silent. As soon as you were back at the bunker you would stitch yourself back up. You didn’t want to worry Cas, and you knew if he saw what happened he’d want to talk about it. That was something you couldn’t do, you couldn’t trust yourself to.

If there was anyone in the world that you’d spill all your feelings to it was Cas. He understood you in a way others didn’t, and that was what made it so hard to address your emotions towards him. You knew you loved him, but as far as you knew he just cared about you as a friend. 

As you got lost in your thoughts, dots began to dance in front of your eyes. “Huh,” you whispered to yourself, “I guess that cut was deeper than I thought.” You shook it off, realizing that you were only a few minutes away from the bunker. All you had to do was make it to your room and you’d be fine. 

“Tell Cas we’ll be back soon,” Dean said, pulling up outside the entrance of the bunker. He turned to face you. “Get some rest, alright? You need it.”

“Alright,” you answered weakly, stepping out of the car. You walked into the bunker, feeling more off balance than before. Staggering slightly, you started to walk down the steps. You heard someone call out your name and stopped. 

“Cas, is that you?” He emerged from the hall and rushed forward when he saw you. 

He creased his brows in worry. “What happened?” 

As you began to answer, the dizziness overtook you. All you remembered was the feeling of falling while Cas ran forward to catch you. And then nothing. 

You awoke with a start, and when you looked around you realized you were in your room. “How did I…?” you mumbled to yourself. The memory came flooding back to you, and you shook your head. Cas must have carried you here, which meant he knew about your wounds. So much for not talking about it. 

“You’re awake,” Cas remarked from the doorway. He was holding a tray and wore a worried expression on his face. 

“I am,” you nodded, smiling weakly. “What happened?”

Cas walked over to your bedside, where a chair had been placed. He must have set it there earlier, you realized. But just how long had you been out?

“When you walked in, you collapsed. You were cut deeply,” Cas explained, motioning to your side. “I was able to heal it before the worst happened.” He stumbled over the last few words, not wanting to acknowledge what you both knew may have happened. 

“Thank you,” you said quietly. “Do the others know what happened?” You hadn’t told them how badly you were hurt, assuring them it was just a scratch. 

“Sam and Dean got home a few hours ago, and I informed them of what happened.” Your eyes went wide and he chuckled. “Don’t worry, they’re more relieved than anything. Oh, and I made you some soup.” He gestured to the tray he brought in. “I know you like this kind.” 

You smiled at the thought that he remembered what kind you liked. “Thank you, Cas. It means a lot.”

“Of course,” he responded. He stood up, turning to leave, “I’d better let you rest. I’ll go tell the others that you’re awake.”

You weren’t quite sure what compelled you, but you found yourself saying “No, stay, please? I don’t want to be alone.” Maybe it was the shock of how close you came to bleeding out, but you didn’t want to be by yourself in the empty room. And for some reason you had the feeling there was something he wasn’t sharing.

He nodded and sat back down. “I understand,” he said, looking down.

You reached out, touching his arm. “Cas,” you said softly, “what aren’t you telling me?”

Looking up, he shook his head. There was a shimmer in his eyes and you felt pain stab your heart. What had happened? “I did what I had to do.”

You looked at him in confusion, “Cas, what are you talking about?”

“I know you said to never bring you back,” he sighed. “That you think it’s not worth the consequences…,” he trailed off, not meeting your eyes. “I lost you. You bled out in my arms before I could heal you.” Tears were starting to fall now and he wiped them away quickly. “I did what I had to do,” he said again, more quietly this time.

The weight of his words hit you like a ton of bricks and you felt like you couldn’t breathe. “At what cost, Cas? Please, I need to know.” 

“I didn’t make a deal, if that’s what you’re asking. I wasn’t sure what would happen. It seems my powers are weakened, but that’s the extent of it.

You felt the worry lessen, but only slightly. There was still something you needed to know. “Why, Cas? You had no idea what would happen, so why would you do it?”    
  


“I can’t lose you,” he whispered. “How could I not save you?” He sighed, “How can I even begin to say how much I love you? No matter the consequences, I couldn’t let you,” he paused to take a breath, “I couldn’t let you  _ die _ and not do anything.”

“Cas,” you sat up on the edge of the bed and laced your fingers with his, “I love you too.” There were no words you could say to express the emotions washing over you, so you expressed them the best way you knew how. Leaning forward, you brushed your lips against his. In less than a second he returned the kiss and you felt your heart racing. 

He pulled away, resting his forehead against yours. “Promise me you won’t leave me again,” he whispered.

“I promise,” you answered as he pulled you in for another kiss. 

All of a sudden, you heard the door open. “You need to tell us when you get hurt,” Sam started to say. “You know what, I see you guys are busy, I’ll come back later.” 

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written for Supernatural lately, so this was really fun to do! As always, kudos and comments are appreciated! Love you all! <3


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